Disclaimer: I don't know who wrote this. A friend e-mailed it to me and I thought I'd share it. Enjoy!
How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot
using various programming languages
- C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
- C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and
shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical
assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are
bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others
and saying, "That's me, over there."
- FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you
run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat.
If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you
have no exception-handling facility.
- Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
- COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEFT.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return
HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
- LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ...
- BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big
systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
- FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
- APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring
out how to do it in fewer characters.
- Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
- SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you
fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
- HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of
leg of you. Answer the result.
- Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it
to explain.
- 370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document
explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your
foot comes back deep-fried.